Dear Doctor

I was a virgin when I got married and really had been waiting for sharing any life with just one guy and I am quite free with my emotions in bed and do not hold any inhibitions in lovemaking. Compared to my husband, my sexual drive was initially high, which I feel was rather normal.

Be the hectic lifestyle we had, be it the lack of interest my husband had, be it his ignorance in bed, we shared a poor sex life say once in 3 weeks; that also on a weekend. This was atrocious for a newly married couple initially the love affair lasted hardly 5-10 minutes.

His concept of lovemaking was to undress me, get on top of me, and push himself into me, no foreplay, no hugging, no talking, and then he would turn over and sleep. I gradually started letting him know that I did not like this. I wanted to feel close to him, I wanted to be aroused. I wanted to be loved in bed.

I wanted him to talk to me since he never knew what to do, I tried to tell him, told him things I liked him to do, told him my fantasies, told him how I feel about his actions, etc.

He would try his hand on it for 2 days and that also not completely somewhere along he would leave something incomplete… He was never able to give me the Ecstasy. I became frustrated, angry, and depressed. We shifted our house, thinking the change may help us…

Now we lead a lesser hectic life, I tried to revive our sex life in many ways by dressing up seductively, trying out new stuff in bed, going out together, aromatherapy, etc.

But he never reacts to it… and now I have reached a stage where when he takes the initiative to have sex, my mind and body have stopped responding to him.

I don’t feel anything when he touches me… He tries to make love to me, I have become FRIGID, and that for me is totally humiliating and I’m not able to take that in…

I tried talking to my husband to try doing things a bit differently but he doesn’t know to do anything else in bed than climbing on top of me, I discussed the importance of foreplay, talking, oral sex, etc etc. try out different positions in bed, etc.

Ultimately all this goes to a deaf ear. The thought of gratifying myself is also too unbearable to me sometimes. I dream about it in my sleep and that leaves me even more guilty have become a nagging and touchy person.

I can’t stand my husband, I have become so depressed and even think of ending this depressed life forever. I have been wanting to meet a counselor initially, my husband fixed me up with a psychiatrist and he recommended anti-depress, which I do not want to take.

Our folks want us to meet a doctor/counselor/sexologist etc, and initially, I too wanted the same, but now I have reached a stage, where I’m completely fed up with this.

Why care for a guy who is not able to give me my basic right of being happy in bed. I don’t love my husband anymore. I don’t care what happens to our marriage. I’m ready to face things… I just want to get out of this relationship.

As advised by a friend of mine I went through your website in detail. It is a big relief for me. I understand that all these problems can be treated without any side effects. Now I am hopeful that you can help us.

This is my last resort. Please help us to have a happy life.